Saturday, June 17, 2006

Finally i'm back to my blog xP
Hahahaha is has been such a long time never update my blog le. keke^^ haix my But never mind i wanna make it alive bah. Today i really just have the mood to come back in to write some of my feeling i have for today.

For today, a very sad things happen. I have a buddy, a very good brother. Today he settle a problem with his girlfriend. How do i start this thing leh. Hmmm.......I don't know what to say but i just have a very strong feeling, a feeling that i never thought of it again, but somehow it comes back to me again. When i look at them i saw my past. Totally the same. The feeling that they gave me was what happen in my past, and it feels like it was just yesterday. Suddenly i think of all my past, all the unhappy things that i have gone through.

When my buddy was quarreling with the girlfriend, and the thing that my buddy do, was totally the same as what i do when i broke up with 1 of my girlfriend. I really do know how my buddy feels coz i did feel once like he do now. But i really can't do anything much. He relise what he do in the past was wrong, but it was too late. After i talk to him, i can feel the he really know what he is doing and really know all the things that he had did to the girlfriend was so wrong. He feeling damn bad after he think about it. But is a waste coz he relise it too late. I know he really love the gf alot, i can feel that coz i have once gone through the same shit also. But i also relise it too late for all the things i have done.

However the girl have a guy that treat her very well, that she have feeling with him. Thats make my buddy even more sad. He know what he do was childish but he really can't control at the moment which i know alot of guys can understand it when that happen to you. Please do forgive my buddy, he acted that way coz he really do care and love the girl. My buddy is asking for a chances, but she rejected him. I never say that is a must to give him a chances, but i know how she feels too. I don't believe that her feeling will goes just like that.

I mean he really relise his mistake, and he is willing to change for a better man for her. So i think it is a waste just to let go this relationship, coz it is not easy to build up a new relationship. I'm not saying that the girl must give a chance for my buddy but just don't you find it a waste if you gonna just let go like this? Really worth it? Just one more chance to let him prove that he really love you. Once a sinner doesn't mean forever a sinner right. Even Jesus can forgive the sinner and allow them to wash always their sin. So everyone deseve a chances to change. But still the choice is her's. Lets hope the ending will not be like me in the past.



6:12 AM*

Friday, December 09, 2005

Finally can rest, but i not happy
Finally i clan rest, but i'm damn not happy. I haven wake up got people sms and tell me that can i don't take next week off coz got other people need to go for off. Come on la, i already more then a month never take a rest. Also work for 6 days in a week, now she tell me that she going to let others go for off and ask me to hold back.

Damn angry la, i tell her that next week i sure take one day off coz i have something going on. And all my off i will be returning back to her. She can go find others to help her in weekend, coz i work so hard also will get bully so what for.

As what people say, be a good man doesn't earn a single shit, so i think is no more for me to being a good man. I dare not say i very good person, but i know i not a bad person, but now like the people around me is forcing me to be a bad one. Why? Haix, be a good guy really really will get bully, now in the world, you wanna survive, you gotta be more cruel then others then you can have a better life then others. Even today was my off day i was still unhappy.



2:52 PM*

Monday, December 05, 2005

So long never update my blog
It have been quite sometimes that i have not been updating my blog here. One thing is i no time and the other thing is that i have no mood to uppdate my blog. Coz everytime i update my blog is all the sad things in here. Is like i have been a long time never update my blog with happy things. Maybe the last time was the time that i was just together with her.

I find sometime i really find i very funny leh. Why can't i find a gf? Why other can find when i see them and i dare to say that i looks much more better then them? I have a long time good frenz or also can say that he is my bro. He always say, "dong ar~ i don't know what's wrong with you leh, you look handsome but can't find a gf. You can find one, but just that you are lazy and also don't dare to find. If you be more daring, sure can hook alots of girls." But i don't really find it very true. Maybe even it is true, i really don't dare to go out and know girls like that. Coz i'm not that kind of guys that go around knowing girls like that.

Sometimes i really find myself very unlucky, just can't get hold of a girls staying by my side. I really wish to stable down but people didn't want to. After Jojo i always say i my very next gf i will love her more then i love Jojo. I will treat her better then any others ex-gf. But too bad i didn't have a chance to show people how much i will treat my gf or how much i can love a person, i was dicthed.

Now what should i do? Stay as what i want like telling myself my very next gf will gets better from me coz i will love her more then all my past one and will be the more forturenal girls? Or i should do what others say, " Come on la we are still young la, what true love? People all don't appreciate you no point la. Come out and F*** around is much more better man." So what should i do? Sometimes what others say is true, why serious when no people really love ya. Haix i really don't what i will do. Lets see what i person i will be sooner or later



6:53 PM*

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Getting more and more hot temper
Shit, this few days or i can say this few weeks i have been in a very bad mood. Is like i can't control myself not to she my anger and throw my temper. If this keeps going on ar~ i tell you i sure cannot make it ar~ sure no friends de.

But sometime is like my working place really make me damn angry. I can't stand my office people. I can't stand my officer i can't stand my mdm. There really make me pissed sometime. But what can i do i also cannot do anything. Haix this half-a-years is so diffcult to get through. It is like hell for me now aday.

Haix I really miss the days of my own, i miss the people i be with and hang around. I use to be a happy goes lucky guy. But now......everyday i'm stress in work have to face all the people that i don't like have to listen to all the new people at my working place. I totally down now. In camp i'm doing works alone and stay alone. Sick of them.

I want a life that is like last time of better then last time. Not like now, i can't imagin that i'm just like in a living hell in office everyday. How i wish that i have a lovely gf or the best is a lovely wife. So whenever i reach home i can see my lovely wife cook the dinner and waiting for me to eat, best is to have 2 more kidz hahahaha so when i reach home i can look at my ute little kidz. After a stressful day of work in camp then my baby kidz can make me more cheerful and happy. Lolx but i'm thinking too much la. Hahaha just what i wish in future bah xP



7:10 PM*

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Nothing is worth it
Sometimes i really feels that nothing si worth for me to go for. I like out of a sudden i have lose alot of thing that i have, my love, frenz and everything. Why must i always be the one suffering this. People also enjoy lifes but i have to suffer leh. So unfair to me right?

Being a good person is so diffcult, always let people step on my head. Maybe i have been too good to frenz/love and alot of things that i don't know how to say. I'm like living alone in the world sometimes. Miss the old times that i have last time. Now i have been always holding my anger and try not to throw my temper out. But is like alot of things is push my anger up.

I don't wish to be what i use to be, i wish to be a better me. No more anger in me and happy goes lucky. So please don't make my tmeper out, i really don't wish to be what i use to be. I wanna be a sweet and good bf for my very next gf. I don't want to be a MCP anymore. I'm holding my anger and sadness back so please, Don't force me........




10:46 PM*

Other Pissful Day
How can it be? Say this week and next week cannot take off, end up leh......today right infront of me, my mdm let one person g for off. What de fuck......somemore is a people take is doing paper work de lo. He go off where i have to stay and do work. I don't find it is fair to me after all.

See.....as i say, i'm getting more and more pissed each day in office. This is not what it is use to be. Now is the new people playing relaxing in the office where the old people have to go out and work. Haix where are my old days with all my best collage? That was the happy time and not like now. Pissful day......everyday also a PISSFUL day.

What can i do? I also cannot throw my temper......so what? Suck tumb and do all the things that are told to do so lo. Even have to pick up new people works. Now is what you know.......i go take water for people while the new guyz is relaxing. My fuking mdm ask me to take water for her when there is a new guy sitting in the office. No more, really enough off all the shit they gave me. Once i have chance i will just throw everything down.




7:06 PM*

The lonely feeling
When comes to night time, i will always find myself veyr lonely. Is like the world all left me behind and the world left nobody. Haix, looks so poorthing hor~ lolx. Haix but at night i can't sleep leh, if i can sleep i think i won't go and think and feel that i'm lonely. Hahahah haix maybe my heart still got alot of things that haven put in down, maybe alot of things is waiting for me to stress........some many many things i have to think. People, work, study, future and so many more i have to think.

I really don't know what to do la, can just anyone just open a path for me or just stay beside me and walk through it with me? I have been working for the path for many many many years and i really tired and feels like stopping. But i know i can't stop, coz once i stop mean gone, everything will be gone.

Haix......but sometime say wanna put down also thing also is diffcult la. If not so easy to put down some of the things. Like work, i can't put down my work don't care. All the new guys damn fuk up.....can't help never mind, create problem somemore. Think of that got new guyz i can rest down and have abit bit of ORD mood also cannot. End up let all the new people stand on my head. If i really put my works down is gone.....office is gone.

Then comes to relationship, worst......i also don't know what to say about it. Sometime something is no suppose to think and remember but i go remember it. That is not i don't want put it down but it's that it just wouldn't let me go and put down. Sometime is really very funny de, something you wanna put down you can't, but something you can you can't. Lame leh my life....can anymore things be more lame happening to me anot ar~? Tired of it soon i think i also cannot take it and i will just collapse down.




12:01 AM*

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Sick and Tired
Seriously I don't know how long I can't take it till I ORD I really very pissed off with all most of my college, is like I was the one who is doing most of the but people still always thinks that i'm slacking. What the fuck, is like all the new people is standing on my head liaoz lo.

What is really going wrong with it, why is shit always happen on me leh kaox. I really don't feel like working in that place le. I'm really sick and tired of it. Please.....enough of all the crap they gave me. I will no more be so hard working, why coz people will never appreciate.

Since people don't appreciate then I think no point I will work so hard for them coz they don't deserve what I give out for the office. Never mind, they also can work without me so what is a big deal I don't work. I really think is time to go for my operation, that time ask me don't go yet coz they need help, fuck but they didn't appreciate, so I think I don't wish to drag any longer, Once I get chance I will just go for my operation.

Haix really don’t know what to say about my office. The old guys all going to leave and all the new guys is like haix, how am I going to survive? Suan le bah, this is life, no choice to face all this, just hack care and do my stuff and never do extra for them



11:17 PM*

Monday, November 21, 2005

More about me
The Egg

The egg indicates your attitudes towards your relationships with others.
You expect so much from your relationships.

Out of This World

This test indicates your attitude towards your present situation in life.
Though you are happy with your present situation, you think a change would be better.

The Eating Test

Here is the analysis:
You've made your way well in this world despite all the obstacles you've had to faced. You have survived a lot more troubles than most people. You have had to deal with difficult people, ridiculous rules, and tempestuous relationships.

Love for you can be as intense as the fire on the face of the sun. You are either very calm on the inside when there is a lot of insanity going on around you, or you shut people up and take charge. You can go to a movie by yourself.

You are as comfortable alone as you are with others. You are angry at your parents but you can't change them.

You are a great lover when you find that rare mate who is your equal, otherwise your relationships do not go well. Life is a roller coaster, and you are finding ways to make the good times better. You love sports.

Peeking Through a Hole

Here is the analysis:
When communicating with the one you like, you think you know him/her, but sometimes you're not sure.



6:45 PM*

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Slack at home for 2 days
Wah, i have been slacking at home since last friday le wor~ hahahaha tue and wed on MC hahaha totally no mood go back to waok liaoz la keke^^ But no choice i have to work, coz like that go on sure kana aim de hahaha. But kaoz, all of in my department going for off on friday la haix. This friday die liaoz lo.

Haix even this few days never go for work but i still very tired, don't know why leh hahaha. Maybe is duel to driving till very late bah. But lucky thing is that i'm going to finish all my lesson le, this coming mon is my last lesson and wait for my TP liaoz.

Hope one time can pass bah, don't want let people laugh at me so die die 1 time must pass ar~ * Praying Hard * Haix......suddenly i feel i miss alot of people leh, don't know why, suddenly feel really very lonely. Izzit no friends around that makes me feel so lonely or i no gf makes meso lonely or both i also don't have that makes me feels that. I also don't know bah.......hiax just hope everything is going fine for me, and also faster pass my TP then i can go find my 2 baby angels le =) all the best to me bah, hope my baby angels will also pray and bless me well.



12:40 AM*

Monday, November 14, 2005

Here is other test of me....lets see true anot
How attractive are you?
Not Bad

You are not much attractive to the opposite sex. However, you still have something so special, which makes them like to get along with you.

You are an honest person and have a unique way of seeing things. Your friends see you as a quite friendly

Love Test
Here is the analysis:

When it comes to love, you take your time and do not fall in love easily. You give 45% to your relationship and expect to receive 55% in return.

If there is a problem in your relationship, you are able to confront it in an optimistic way and full of hope.

You want to work it out right away, all by yourself.

You need lots of reassurance in your relationship. You'd like to see your loved one every day, if possible. You accept your loved one the way they are. You don't expect him or her to change for you.

When you love someone, you tend to stay in love for a long time.

What Would You Do?
Do you have a chance with the one you love?

You have had chances but you let them go without taking any risks.
In any case, if you don't make any efforts to meet people, no relationship is going to get started.

Lets give some comment on it bah.....see true anot. Anyway you people also can try at www.quizbox.com



5:21 PM*

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Fall sick again......
Haix i fall sick again liaoz, this time is very sick somemore. Flu, cough headache and fever, all suddenly one shot come together. Wah kaox......cannot take it la, in the morning cough got blood, then my nose also got blood, i think i will die of losing too much blood la.

I don't mind having fever and flu but i really hate to have cough, at least flu makes me wanna sleep which i like coz i can say most of the time i do have sleeping problem, that why i like flu, can make me sleep without thinking anything. I also don't know why i can't sleep la, is like i also never think of anything, but just can't go into my sleep.

But the thing makes me the most sad is that, why whenever i fall sick no people is there to take care of me? Why is it always i have to take care of myself? When have a gf that time i seldom fall sick even fall sick also she never come to me and take care of me? Hmm.....can say none of my gf take care of me when i was sick before. Haix really so pooething meh? Always have to take care of myself alone......i always say take care of me is not my job, is my gf job but alw3ays i fall sick no people is around one. Is either i got no gf or gf no time come take care of me whenever i fall sick.

Haix maybe i really have no choice but to take care of myself bah. No choice la, who ask me don't have that kind of life, sometime i think why other people can be so lovely and can't i. Never mind la this is not what i can choose, just have to accept it bah. Or maybe anyone also can take care of me also can la =P hahahah



3:40 PM*

Friday, November 11, 2005

Can Book TP liaoz lo =( but no $$
Liew i can book TP liaoz leh, but haix no money le kaox need $250 more then can book the date liaoz. Haix waiting for my dad to pass me money la now no money cannot book la. I don't want delay my TP date leh haix, cannot die die must ask him for money faster, the longer he drag the long my TP date will be.

But i also sacre la, my instructor say i don't like to check blind spot de, and i also know that i always don't check de, i scare i fail coz of this. Haix cannot, i must try my very best so that i can 1 time pass ar~ Don't let people look donw on me la so please ar~ 1 time is enough ar~

Haix i don't think i can write more le, coz i not feeling well thi few days, don't know why la, haix yo so all the people around also please take care. Drink more water kk. Hahaha ok la have to end here la, i will pray for blessing to all the people around me and also the 2 cute little baby angels and also the big angels who take care of the 2 little angels de, bless you people well and also too all my beloved people =) night night, don't fall sick like me wor~



12:24 AM*

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

2 more to book my TP gogogo~~!!!!
Finally 2 more lesson to book my TP then after that is 6 more lesson then finish le. Hope i get a faster date then can pass one time, if not have to wait for 3 more month fo re-test nonono please ar~ one time pass can liaoz ar~ really no more money liaoz ar~

Haix don't know how to say my feeling leh, now like so luan.......hahah totally so messy. I also don't know what i thinking sometime. What am i really going for? What i really wish to have and achive? Haix lolx how i wish i'm dead lolx so can rest and heck care the world so tired of facing the world leh......like no target in life leh.

Nothing la, just hope to have a peaceful life after all lolx maybe if can find a new gf then i don't care liaoz la, shot gun and get married liaoz la haix yo waste time to go through the GBR leh lolx. No la i wish to get married and have children but also not in this way la, i will plan for it la hahaha shot gun is not very nice wor~ lolx lets hope i won't hor~ keke^^



12:11 AM*

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Lets tell me is this me?
The Clothes You Wear

What others see from your style

You probably have high self-confidence and don't mind what others think of you. However, you can be too materialistic and are never content with what you own.

What your nightclothes reveal

You are friendly and always in good mood. You are candid and helpful, and can be sexy at times too.

What others see from your ties

You enjoy being alone. You like to life the simple but good life, and you cherish your freedom. You are thoughtful, confident and uninterested in glamour.

What others see from your belts

You are a lonely and demanding person. You are hardworking as well as intelligent, and can be passionate when in love.

What others see from your shoes

You are kind and open-minded. You may not be talkative, but you are friendly and enjoy the company of intelligent people. You always keep the secrets of others, and never play tricks on people.

What others see from your earrings

You are probably an independent and strong-willed person. Fairness is important to you, and you always stand up for what you believe in. You are friendly and get along well with people.

The last analysis

You are probably a romantic and passionate person. You are sensitive and lonely when you aren't in love. You can be somewhat self-centered, but you are honest and sincere to others. You like to make a good impression of yourself and worry about what others think of you.

Let you people read about this and tell me whether this test say about me have how many percent is right =)



9:04 PM*

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Wah, become so pretty liaoz wor~
Wah today i saw one of my ex-gf online la. Kaox she become damn damn pretty liaoz la, much much more pretty then use to be with me that time la. Kaox this one i really regert that time i ditch her, then now got kamar lolx good good......like that tell people she my ex-gf also got face hor~ lolx =X <-------bu yao nian LOLX

No la she really become so pretty that i never expected la, last time she already very pretty le, now ar~ oh my god don't even know what word to use to say her ar~ hahaha. Like i always say, the people i ditch ar~ sure become very pretty de wor~ lolx maybe kamar la they become pretty and i become shit lolx

But after all they now all have their good and lovely bf, i'm also happy for them la. From now on, i will never ditch a girl again liaoz, lolx if not later she become pretty then i regert lolx nono canont like that i think i wanna let people ditch more then i will become handsome anot lolx =X hahaha lame right keke^^ ok la time to end here, here by wish all the people will have their dream come true......and also blessed well by god.....all the best to you people.



9:14 PM*

Friday, November 04, 2005

Nothing to write today
Haix today is really boring at home la, i also don't know what to write in my blog, nothing happening leh. Haix sometime off at home also not a very good thing la. rot at home all the way, die at home also nobody knows ar~

So lonely la, haix lolx really abit not use to be singel even i singel for 3 years before la. Use to been care and have someone around for me when i lonely la. Hahahahaor i think i go hire a maid la so can take care of me lolx. But a maid still can win a person that really care for you and take care of ya de. Then only you can feel love around you, but when will mine come lolx.

Kaox i really don't know what else i can write in my blog la, so i think that all for today la. Here by i wish that god will love every of my friends and all my beloved ones. Hope that god will bless them well and also bless me well keke^^. So good lucky to everyone.....take care and pray for blessing for all of you, and also all my beloved one's.



2:50 AM*

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Drinking session again la
Wah kaox today when for a drinking session again la, i think my body is fill with alcohol liaoz la, soon one day my body will break down lo. Haix really going to drink my life away la, always drink till never have my dinner. Lolx like that also good la getting more and more slim now adays.

Haix lucky today not so drunk la, still can update my blog lolx, hope that no wrong typing la xP keke^^ haix but today i really didn't drink alot la, coz today i when to drink with a guy that think he really very power de la, lolx end up he also so so nia, end up need me bring him go take cab la. Act infornt of girls only la, chey.......so what if rich lolx no girls wanna take care of him lolx.

Haix but at least today something make me happy la. I finally pass my FTT liaoz, can book my TP soon, hope to get my license soon keke^^ then i can drive around, xP can go bring my baby angels go out wahahhaha. Haix but i think still got quite sometime till my TP la lolx fastest is next year if not wrong la. But still hope is this year la lolx.



3:38 AM*

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Shopping till don't want work~
Lolx today me and my camp mate went back to camp to do some works. He driving over to camp to i ask him come and fetch me also, then when we reach the camp, the toopid RP thinks that we are office la lolx make me laugh the whole day hahahhaha. Then we planning to go IMM to take a look at some stuff that out Mdm ask us to take a look de and also take our lunch.

Then went out of camp at around 12pm, so reach IMM around 12.30 bah. Then we 2 start our shopping all the way in IMM lolx. First we go take a look on all the item that what Mdm wants us to find out the price and then we also went to take a look on the stuff we need in camp so we will ask Mdm to get it in camp.

The 2 of us shopping till no time to eat la, lolx no choice but have to take away back to camp and eat. Coz when we reach back to camp is 3pm le, lolx lucky the DO for the day was a very good one if not i think we both kana fire by our boss liaoz le, extra sign till siao that time lolx. Haix.......at least not that bored in camp that day.

Sometime think of it i really quite sad leh, how come people always take that i keep on want people to tong qing me ar~? come on sometime i sad and write in my blog is not asking you people to tong qing me leh, or trying to act ke lianz. I'm just a normal human being like you people, also will be sad and have feeling de. And i treat my blog as my dairy, so of coz i will write my feeling down in here, but not asking anyway one to tong qing me or telling people i very ke lian.

Is like i wanna write my feeling down also let people say, haix is like this and that also cannot do. Haix sometime i also don't know what to do la, do this people say bad thing about me, do that people also say bad about me. Can just kindly anyone just teach me how to deal with my sadness without people saying i "Bo Tong Qing"?



1:01 AM*

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Yeah i have got 3 chop agian, finally xP
Wahahahah today so happy, driving lesson got 3 chop, lolx first 3 chop was my very first lesson, then till now then have 3 chop again. Keke^^ not bad la 70min lesson i got 3 chop wahahhaah mean that i also not bad in driving la xP......who wanna be the first one to sit on my car with i pass o.O?

Hmmm.....around 10 more lesson i will get to TP stage, so happy keke^^ i will chiong all the way de, won't let people look down on me. So many people look down on me, even my drinking kaki gf also looking down on me, make me damn angry. Say about her my anger is there, kns my drinking kaki gf mouth is damn fucking bad la, also say something to make me angry or hurt. Coz she is my friend gf i give face don't want say her, but she try to climb to my head.

I really pissed off with her till i say i don't want go out with her, always let people look down on me de, never think of my friend gf also look down on me la, nowonder i'm a failer. Haix.....sometime think of it was so no worth it, know her for 7 years, after got in relationship now break off, no even friends, haix not woth it if i know this i won't have pick up the relationship. Can be friend de but, haix after that case, how to be friend anymore, i can't even face the people around, how people look at me de haix. Really not worth it lo, how i wish is once got in relationship, all the way till get married, or not even in this relation, friend all the way.

So now, i know one thing. Is that before getting into a relationship, think about will it be worth it anot first, if not worth it then all the way be friend. Coz for me, once break mean no more friends de so i mean seriously thing about it before getting into it. And i will also tell myself once become gf/bf mean no more friend, even after break off or in relationship.



12:44 AM*

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Bored at home
Wah a boring day at home leh, nothing to do since i wake up and write my first blog. Hahahaha but at least today when out for my monther birthday dinner. Haix at least got get out of my house for quite a long time la, if not i think i will be rotting till i die liaoz.

Don't even know what to do in the net, lolx find people to chat but no people, no website to serve and also no game to play for me lolx. Sometime i bored till i nearly throw my lappy out of my window liaoz hahahahah. Haix sometime people say single life good, ok la sometime feel good la lolx but i feel lonely more then good leh lolx. So can all the single people tell me whether you are feeling good or lonely, lolx wanna find out izzit only me find it lonely more then good anot.

Today sleep till 6pm then wake up, die liaoz la how to sleep now? tomorrow still have to work and the worst part is that i think of tuesday also have to work, sianz ar~ holiday also have to work, see i so poorthing leh lolx. Anyone wanna help me lolx, how i wish got people can help but too bad la is my camp thing haix. Haix, think gotta go ask around what is my bad point lolx why no people like me de leh? Can you people drop a message that what bad point i have to make me a better person so i can find a gf more easily lolx. That ar~ remember to write my bad point at my tagboard leh xP



11:57 PM*

2 Days Drinking Session @@
Lolx when for drinking session for 2 days le with my drinking kaki, wah will die ar~ hahahah but ok la, still quite fun la. When to Devil Bar, keke^^ first time been there, xP wahahahah shy to say that leh. But ok la inside quite fun leh, but like too many aunty leh =X

Haix first wanna go MoMo de, but i can't go in, sad case lo still need to leh that idiot laugh. If he is not Steven gf hor~ i think i will give her 1 tight slap ar~. Fuck la don't know why got this kind of girl de lo haix. Then i can't go in so no choice we go other place so go MU first. Wah go there rot for 2 hours still not happening lo. finish 1 bottle le so there say wanna go over to Devils Bar so i say ok lo if got member can sign me in.

Then the si lian de ren is damn sad la, ask him why so sad, he say just now outside MoMo he saw his ex-gf la. Then the whole night he is damn sad lo. Can say like most of the day was trying to make him better la, but not me la coz i really don't know what to say to me, somemore i much younger then him, he also won't listen to me de la.

But really whole night he damn sad la, till the whole night i was sitting more then i dance la. Then my others drinking kaki is busy talking to him, =( then throw me alone aside la. Lolx haix at least they got dance with me la not that bad la. Haix lucky so far i didn't get a chance to see her anyway, hahahhaa so better not bad =) if not what i will do i also don't know. Maybe i will act like how they say me bah haix.



6:13 PM*

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Back from drinking session
Yoyo just came aback from a drinking session, lolx abit drunk but still able to write my blog, or i can say that i'm all right. Today when to drink with my brother and his friendz. lolx just nice he got a friend that is same with me la. That guy also si lian, lolx poorthing.

Haix why must this happen leh, why can we have our love path stright leh. Haix sometime love is like that, No one can explain it, come mean come go mean go, wanna stop also cannot. Haix love really hurt alot of people. Tell me how to i dare to start a new relationship?

Hahaha no choice la this is all on luck bah, lucky you can find the right person at the right time. Abit unlucky is right person at wrong time, and very unlucky is wrong person at wrong time like what i'm now. haix, just hope that all the people all get the right person at the right time bah, don't wish to see someone else like me. Ok la, my head really pain and i think i beer is coming up to my brain now. I really going to drunk liaoz, so here by wish all the people will be lovely when in relationship. Of coz anf my big angel and 2 little angels will be good and healthy.



4:39 AM*

Friday, October 28, 2005

What to say?
Haix i really don't know what to say la. Sometime just wonder why i'm not married and have kidz lolx, like that good mah don't have to think of the relationship stuff. But too bad i'm not, lolx can't even find a gf how to get married xP Haix i also don't know what to do la, be a bad bf also let people ditch, be a good bf also let people ditch. What the god really want me to be i also don't know la

I have spend 3 years to pick my faith and confidence, then after that i thought i found what i really need but have god took it back. After all i don't know i dare to pick up another relationship anot le. Is like once bitten twice shy ar~ i also don't why is my love life so sux. Haix now what i hoping for i also not sure, lost of direction.

I think alot of misunderstanding going around, i also don't wish to explain it. Just hope that things will go down and end it. But really i hope that the misunderstand will be no more, coz i really don't wish to end up like this.

But last time i say, "We both are right person at wrong time" Yes, that was what i think last time. But not then i know that the really thing is that, "We both are wrong time, wrong place and wrong person." I have never regert to love, just that i regert that why i throw myself so deep into love. Makes myself hurt more, i should have give in my love slowly, then this won't happen le.

Suan le la, why is most of the people keep ditching me, the problem must be on me and not on others. i should have look at what is my bad point of myself and not thinking that people don't want me. I think i really fail to be a good bf after all, i really fail in my love life. Now i don't think i can pick up any relationship at the moment. For the time being i think i should learn and change to be a better person, and learn to catch a heart of my love one's. I will be a better man after all, i wish to give my love one's what she need and i can. Thankz for telling me my bad point and let me can change to a better person. I will change my bad point and be a better person then now. This i promise =) thankz for teaching me a lesson in love again.



1:09 AM*

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Scary Driving Today =/
wah kaox this is the first time i scare of a instructor leh. Today i got a fuck up car, then i thought the clutch is spoilt. Lolx but is ok de, the insturctor told me that it is a low clutch, will be very sensitive so he ask me to becareful. I orh orh orh, then i move of, lolx then i engin stall lolx.

Then when start to go on road hor~ lolx he keep on scold me when on road and slo keep on nagging at me. make me so stress lolx. But don't know why i scare of him leh. This is the first time i scare of a preson, lolx how can it be. Keke^^ wahahahaha

But after that i know how to deal with the slope then he stop scolding me xP keke^^ this shows that i also quite good in my driving la =X so is safe to sit in my car wahahaha. Don't worry i'm a "Very Safety Driver =/" hahahaha no la i think i can la, not that bad in my driving la. So hope to that i can pass soon =)



12:27 AM*

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Once again sorry for the last time
Here by once again i would like to say sorry for all the misunderstanding. I think there is about of problem when wrong with us, i don't wish to care or say about your life, but please, i'm sure that i didn't say anything bad about you.

If there is others who did, i would like to say sorry for her too. She didn't mean it that way so hope you people won't put it in your heart. So don't worry i won't come a cross your life or i should say you people life's.

But one thing is that i hope that you all don't say something that is so hurting. Please do care about people's feelings, i mean i didn't do anything wrong that hurt her or what, so don't say till i so worthless. You also won't want people to say that to you right, somemore now is that i'm the person who lose something and you people is still saying me till i don't even worth a single cent. That really hurts for people to see/hear that. So i hope that from now on you have your way and we have ours. Last sorry for all the things have happen.



12:10 AM*

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Am i a loser too you people?
Haix today is damn unlucky man, i after work when to Jurong Point to buy something but i can't find so i go home.On my way walking down, i saw her cousin going up. Kaox......i don't know what to do lo, look or don't look at them? I looked at them for awhile them they see me, so i looked down on the floor. But there look they give me like say, "Oh man, didn't you see that loser over there."

Am i really a loser? Or is myself think too much le? But really i got a very strong feeling that people is looking down on me, say that i'm useless, can't even sercure a gf and let her run to others guy. Haix i hate that look on me. Is not what i want, also i try my very best to do my part to be a very good bf le. I have try very hard and also did alot better then what i use to be. But just people feel not enough.

Is not my problem anymore so don't give me the look as if i really a loser that can't sercure a gf by my side. Even if it is, also is my problem......what if i'm really a loser so, don't pity me or look down on me. I have nothing to lose, maybe part of my love i have lost but not everything. we should wait and see who treat her better. Let hope that the guy will be better then me, coz i also hope to see her having good life. But i think i also not that bad after all.

And to all my friends and sisters, please don't tell me anything about her and what is going in her life. Now she have a new life started so is nothing related to me. I also don't wish to know more about her coz is her and that guy life. I just wish that i will be what i'm or better so other then that i don't wish to know more. Thankz alot poeple's.



12:05 AM*

Monday, October 24, 2005

You can and you can't



1:24 AM*

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Boring Day i'm having
Haix nothing much but a normal boring day. Whole day do nothing at home then in the last afternoon then when out to meet my mei mei and ling to have my dinner. Kaoz say about the dinner ar~ Me and ling when to lai lai eat noodle, i thought i very hungry so i wanted to add noodles lo, wah kaoz who knows that add noodles is damn many la. I look at the noodles i also scared. Eat untill i really going to puke on the spot ar~

Somemore now adays my body is not the good so eat too much le make me feel like puking. Haix eat abit then later gestric pain eat too much also pain, what my body really want la haix yo~! But don't care so much first, now i want my car liensen only. Just hope that i can pass my final theory and go throught all my lesson then go TP also can pass.

For my body mah, hahahah say thing i'm going to say, i'm not going to take care of myself coz i always wait for people to come take care of me de, so just wait lo no people come take care me then wait to die lo lolx. But i can take care of people de wor~ lolx just only tht i can't take care of myself keke^^ coz it is meant to let people take care of me de mah, just like i'm meant to go take care for the one i love right =)

Nothing i'm looking for now la, just wish that everyone around me will be happy and will have most of the thing there wish. Here by i have to end my day soon. So i would like to do something that i use to do last time. Here by wish and pray for eveyone around me, of coz will be my sisters, my 2 angels baby and my beloved peoples ( lolx alot ar~) just hope that god will bless them all well.............all the best to everyone around.



10:40 PM*

Sorry for that



2:55 AM*

Too Tired To Do Anything
Wah this few days really didn't have good sleep so tired after my driving lesson. Really not enough sleep ar~ somemore this few days camp also very busy, wanna take off after working in week ends also diffcult ar~ But at least clear half of my subject 2 le. Suffer now till i get my liencsen then i can have time to rest and do some work out to keep fit.

Now got no choice but to keep an eye on my diet, must control not to eat so much. If not all my effort will be flash to the drain and back to nothing. Haix now adays find thing is so weird, just don't know why. Hahahaha but don't care la, just carry on with my life as normal bah =) Maybe something is missing but still will have something to do after all.

Hahahaha now just hope that the 2 little angel will grow up safely and healthly. Don't know when then i can find the time go look at my "God- daughter" hahahaha. What a waste, should be having the same birthday with me de leh, why so naughty come out so early wor~ cannot wait abit longer meh hahahaha =/Same date with me also not bad mah keke^^

Haix hope that it is a new start for the baby angels and for the brave and lovely mother of the 2 little baby angels. Hope all of them will be find la, have a brand new start and also have no problem with it in their life and living. Praying for the baby angels and also to all my beloved people, hope that god will bless them all well. This is all i asking for =) so those who is loved by me must find youself lucky that i'm here praying to god for blessing you all well xP God will be abit busy coz i have alot of people i wanna pray for and hope that he will bless them well de =)



2:11 AM*

Friday, October 21, 2005

Body cannot make it any longer
Wah don't know why know adays i find my body so weird.......is like something is going wrong like that leh. This few days i have slim down quite alot but i find it is i didn't eat much now adays leh. Not i don't want to eat more, is like i eat more i feel like going to puke. Not like what i use to be leh. I can eat lot last time de that why become fat now is like........

Haix hope nothing is happening in my body la, hope it is normal. Haix this whole month i'm so tired after all the night driving.......feel like going to die soon. So tired leh, somemore next day have to wake up early. Then come back le don't feel like writing my blog leh. But i don't write i feel so uneasy leh.

Hahahah so i will try to write my blog before i sleep la. Haix so sianz ar~ back to a lonely guy again. Now have to look forward for a new gf to take care of me. Haix.....hope the next one won't hurt me again la. Even last time i hurt alot of people but i think all i have return after a few time of ditching by others la. So don't treat me so curel anymore, have some mercy for a poor little guy like me.



12:21 AM*

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Yeah Clear Stage 1 Lo xP
Wahahaha finally i have clear my car stage 1 le keke^^ so happy, somemore also i only engine stall once today keke^^ li hai bah =X Haix hope to chiong faster. Hahaha shoick ar~ can drive nicely without engine stall, no more pai seh lo.

But one thing is that from what i heard today is that they maybe wanna bring me along to a mission leh. Haix abit worry for the thing leh, scare later really want me go over then die liaoz lo. Haix is like the mission is not that easy this time. Go there come back le will have 1 medal, then it mean it will not be that easy, also maybe quite danger. Haix i also don't know why i don't wish to go this time.

Last time go is become wanna have more money to make my gf happy but this time no allowence de. But haix i don't know why i don't want le, last time is that i say i don't want go is because the i don't wanna throw her alone in so i don't wish to go other country for trainning. But this time round i don't have her by my side le i should have wanted to go, but don't know why just feel like reject it.

Haix take it as i scare to die la, so don't want to go la. Or i already have a reason why i don't want to go bah. Haix why must end up like this, this is what i always don't wish to happen de. Whatever it is, i also cannot do anything. What is hanging around my mind? lolx i also wish that i can answer this question myself.



12:08 AM*

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

So Sorry, Yesterday Was Too Tired To Write Blog
What yesterday was really too tired to write my blog la. Hahahaha yesterday was another day that i have a good sleep xP so good hahahaha. But yesterday night i watch a show name call "Too Beautyful Lies" Wow~ That was a nice show, really nice and touch show i have seen. I love the show quite alot.

How i wish the story of the show will happen to me, but abit lame la, how can it be happen in reality. Think of it, find it very lame but the one who think of this story is really good ar~ quite romantic de wor~ =) Hahaha then i think i also want to have dream of a wonderful story in my dream. Keke^^ i think my romantic story will be better then others la xP wahahahha.

Haix but after all dream is always still a dream, sometime also have to wake up and get back to reality. =) Oh ya, that day i saw my very first love in BBDC lolx, wow~ she looks more pretty then last time le. How come ar~ all my ex-gf all become very pretty le leh~ izzit after leave me then can become more pretty then use to be? Lolx then those who wanna become more pretty de ladies please come to me and dump me then you will become pretty after that xP lolx

But really la can say all my ex-gf become more pretty le, find that their bf are so lucky. For the past many years, i know i have not been a good bf for all my ex-gf till now, let me promise to all my ex-gf that i will be better then what i'm after today, won't make you all dissapointed de =) And also i will find the people who really love me and the only me, not when i love her and she go love others de =)



3:29 PM*

Sunday, October 16, 2005

How Can I Make Myself Till So Cheap?
What a cold rainning morning today, and i have look out of my window and i find that it is just like how i feeling in my heart. I think i really have to believe what others people say then. Why must i make myself till so cheap. Since people is so hardhearted and have throw you aside and when to find another guy, what for i'm here sad for her?

It's make myself like dan cheap, like without her i will die. Cannot like that, even i still love her but i really find myself very stupid coz i'm here sad, but do people knows it? Even people knows it, do you think she will really care about it. Never mind, is time for me to let go everything and forget her. Have to carry on with my new life. Really hate to see myself when i know i have choice such a person to love once.

But i still believe that one day i will find the one that is really going to love me and care for me. And the ring will also find the real owner. I always believe that what is mine is mine what is not mean for others. So i think don't want to waste time le, see the people i love, loving others make me more angry so i rather find a new person to love then loving a person like that. Sorry for the misplace of my love. I will take it back and place it once again. Thankz and hate the thing that you have gave me. Remember how you treat me ok. I will remember how you treat me and forget you in mind.



12:50 PM*

Today Is Happy Day
Today Is Qi brithday, We four sisters went to Jurong East Kbox to enjoy the day. Is really so happy that i have forget the pain in me. Hahaha that's good for me, hope for all the way i will forgive a person that cheated my love de hahahaha. Wah today really take picture till i very tired ar~ hahaha so long never take so many picture le.

Keke^^ Too many picture to up load ar~ hahaha. Today we have make a little trick on Xiao Mei on her birthday, we buy a cheap book to replace a book that we have make for her de. Then after she have cut her cake, we pass her the present and ask her to open up to have a look. When she open up the book, and she saw what is inside the box, i can see her face have change. Like she never expect that we have just buy her just a cheap book for her birthday.

Can see that she is quite sad when she saw the present that is in the box. But after the we ask mei mei to bring her out to the toilet then after the me and ling quickly change her present. After mei mei and xiao mei back from the toilet, i ask her that did she look at the last page of the book that we gave her, and i say that at the last page have a very speical thing what we have do for her. She open up the book again and she saw the book that we have speical make for her.

Then we enjoy the book together with her. She say that it was really very sweet and touch for her to see the effort that we have put in. We i see the book i also really touch also wanted to cry too......i really love you guyz four sisters is forever......i have a wonderful day today. And my xiao mei also get older 1 year le hahahaa now 20 le wor~ so don't play play liaoz ar~ hahaha



2:19 AM*

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Right Here Waiting
Oceans apart, day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here, waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here, waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last, somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here, waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here, waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end, if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here, waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here, waiting for you
Waiting for you

1:21 AM*

Sorry, Please Forgive Myself
I'm so sorry, i really can forgive myself, i also don't know what i can forgive myself, what i can't accept myself for doing. I can't foegive myself for not going back to her or i can't foegive myself for loving a person that don't love me? I also don't know what i really thinking of. I always try to use my laughter to cover my tears and sadness.

I would really like to have a good rest.....i really going to break down, i didn't have a good sleep since the day we have break off. I hope to have a good rest, and how i wish you were by my side and keep a look after me, take care off me and keep me warm with ya love. But too bad i wasn't the lucky guy to have ya. Dream on dream on, hiax........

Today i just when to get my spoilt watch fix......that guy say the watch can't fix it by him, so he have to send it back to the elesse headquater to get the watch fix. Need 3 weeks get my lovely watch fix haix. However i will still get the watch fix back coz it was from a very important person and also that was the only stuff she left for me. So i think die die i will get it fix ar~ I will keep it nicely and try my best not to spoilt the watch once again.

Haix don't know what to do la just hope that everything is going fine, hope there will be no more tears for me la, i have promise myself not to drop my tears again but end up i still drop my tears for her, thats mean i'm really in love again with her. Is a good thing, so don't have to sad that i break my promise not to cry.



12:31 AM*

Thursday, October 13, 2005

No Choice But Have To Do So
So sorry i really can over come and forgive myself for all the things that happen to me. I'm really sad to say that i have to leave and hide myself away from her. I know this maybe selfish but for my good and her's, is better for me to stay away and let her be happy. I can't really be her friend at all, is like my heart is so pain.

Ya right is true that i hope she is happy with the guy she love but i can't say that i feel nothing when a person i love so much is together with others guy. Cannot be i'm not say what, if i really don't feel anything means i don't love her. But i do so i can't stay and be her friend. Sorry for doing that to you, really sorry.

Is not that i selfish, sometime must also think of my feeling.......if you where me i don't think you can take it when you still love me and i was with other girls. You think she can take it, i don't think so if she really still love me. I can share my love with others, so i rather i leave and let the 2 of them have a happy time together. I also don't wish to know how they both going on. This is just like all going again like what happen 3 years ago. Lame leh, same old shit keep happening to me. Repeating the history again, pain in the heart once again. Come on la let me rest awhile la can't just give me a happy love life meh kaox.

Sorry and i really have no choice but to do this, i think i will start to block you le. I think i will really stay far away from you and also don't come to me when see me on the road. I say when you find a new bf tell me, and i think you didn't tell me so i take it as you have find so when you finda new bf is the time for me to go......and now have a wonderful love with him. Take care, till one day you really need me then you can try to call me. I will keep a promise that i have make.



9:31 PM*

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Tears Finally Fall Off
Finally my tears fall off from my eyes when i'm holding the ring that i gave it to her last time. Finally there is tears in my eyes, hot tears falling off. Is a very long time never have this feeling. The very last tears is 3 years back i think. Now once again i have the tears falling off from mty eyes again.

I really don't know how to explain how i feel. It is so pain in the heart to see a ring that is return in my hand once again. Why must it be this ending? Must i really suffer all this pain again and again? I think really have no choice but to accept the pain agian.

Nothing must to do with the ring for me. I also don't know what to do with it. Say is that the ring is waiting for her, but you think there is a chance? Come on, i'm no more a kidz, don't believe in all the lies going all around cheating kidz. She will still find a ring that she really going for and i also really hope that she can find. People always say i have been thinking too much but i still believe what i sense.........i can sense what is going around.

Come on la, be a better man, at least you can fight back what you want, not like not, just a loser in relationship. Haix don't know what to say la, feeling really sad, feel like hiding in a corner and rest my life. Think she have find someone in her life now, maybe i'm sad but i still happy for her that she ca find a guy that can save her in the lost sea.......all the best for you my beloved one.



10:36 PM*

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

My Mind Is Blank
Haix i don't know what i'm thinking about, what i want to think about and also what tosay about. My mind is really black, i just feel tired and wanna rest, how i wish i can have a nice long sleep. Is like every night i can have a nice sleep, just don't what is bothering in my mind that i'm thinking.

Wanted to have some drink before sleep but haix i know it was unless coz long ago have tried once. Want to eat sleeping pills but scare next time i can sleep without the sleeping pills. Haix What else i really can to at the moment? Didn't know that i will be sure a weak person after all. Always wanted to show people that i'm strong and can handle my problem but i really can't.

I can't even clear my mind and have so peace. Haix what do i really want? Do i really follow what my heart say? But i was so scare, scare thati can't take it anymore. Why love a person also like so diffcult har~? I always thought loving a person is a simple thing. Don't you think love can be simple? But just why mine is so diffcult ar~? I also like all others normal human lo, i'm also going for what i want and love only, why must make it so diffcult for me leh?

Don't wanna think about it anymore, just wanna leave it to the fate to lay the path for me, just hope that the faith in me will never go off. And also hope that fate can really give me what i really hoping for.



10:48 PM*

Monday, October 10, 2005

Can't believe that
I really can't image that, i can't believe she when to love others man. Hahahah this time i'm really a fool that let her play around.......she win. I got nothing to say, but really to wish you will wish you happy la. Don't want to say i want to be better then you but i just wanna be a better person then i use to be

Hope you have choose the right one at the right time. Even i feel like a fool but i still bless you well. The only thing is that i can forgive myself........=) should have tell myself not to fall in love with ya. Haix no choice la, since i have choose you that time i also have to accept the fate of this thing happening la.

Thing the ring also don't fit you bah, they will be a better one for you from you new bf. Think you will be happy when he buy you a new ring. Wearing a ring of your love one's sure is a happy thing. The ring i will keep till i meet someone i really can pass to then i will give her. Let's see who will be the unlucky one to be with me la hahaha. Ok la, that all i have to say for you la. I can say i didn't really have a long time with ya but i can say this is a short and sweet time with ya

I can't denied that i really angry with ya that you love someone else hahaha but there is nothing wrong for ya. You can have you choice in life, i will wish that you can find a better person you love and can get you sercure that you are looking for. But i also hope he have the same thinking with me, "always let people envy you then you envy people." Hope you will like that feeling la, but if you don't hope he won't le. I forgive you for doing that.



10:54 PM*

Sunday, October 09, 2005

The Fate Has End
Friday night when for a dinner, wow~ quite a grand one. This is the first time i when to a former dinner. After that when to a friend birthday, wah here come the story liaoz. I planning to go to the dinner and drink abit first to warm up de. End up i think i really drink too much, beer and red wine.......lolx = die hahahaha after the i reach the pub is half gone le.

Once reach there only, people start to cheers me wit a cup of on the rock la. reach there only i drink 4 on the rock. After awhile sabby and fred come to the pub and find me, and the time i going to gone liaoz. That night is all the way drinking on the rock la. All the people crazy one leh over there haix. I think my mood not so good la so i ask sabby and fred to go first, coz i know i sure drunk de, so no point leh them see my drunk and kpkb around la.

Yesterday really quite bad mood la coz i really no happy that day. i think yesterday i show alot of my anger out la. Haix why i have to make myself till like that leh......i also really don't know lo. Maybe this time i really fall abit deep in love la. I was totally gone after that. But i still can bath and sleep la. Hahaha end up i vomit in my room la somemore my dad give me a plastic bag to vomit i also don't know lo.

After i reach home wake up then i know one thing is that my lovely watch from a person i love the have break off........the watch si spoilt. My heart is so pain when i see it, really very pain. But i think the fate in the both of us is end le la. This is what i think la. Coz that time when my ring break i also face the same thing. I really have to give up on her? Haix i also don't wish to but have no choice since the fate is end, unless miracle happens but i don't think i will have. Hope she can really find someone better then me bah =)



2:53 AM*

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

A faithlover have lost his faith
Faithlover without faith again le, what a joke man. How can it happen to me wor~ where is my faith? Please, why is me who is going under this kinda pain again and again? Can't think of the word's that people give it to me. All the SMS that some people have send me, see once and once. Read once and once, till i deteled it all. Coz i find the things she say to me are all lies.

How can a faithful people that just want to have a simple love life also will have this ending? If there is something i have did wrong then ok fine, but did i? I don't think so. Why? i always thought that God didn't let me go over to France coz that he have something better to give me and make it worth to stay. Ya, he did gave me something that make me worth to stay, but in the end, he still took back all the great moment. And now i'm back to nothing. Why must once and once play around with me? Really don't understand it.

In camp always have alot of people asking me about me and her stuff. I really don't know how to answer them. I know there care for me but i really feel so stress whenever they ask me that question. I also wish it was just a nightmare for me and once i wait up nothing have happen and she is still by my side. But no, have to face the reality that she is no longer loving me, no longer by my side and no longer my sweet dear. Always wanted to get her back but scare of the pain is once again there. Anyway i also don't have any confidence in myself that i can get her back again. Maybe if her heart still have me then is ok but.........i don't think so now.

Really have no choice of it, even it's pain but think only time can waste all away. Hope the pain won't stay for long time. Lets hope that this is really just a nightmare dream and hope to wake up as soon as possible, so that really nothing happen before.



10:14 PM*

Monday, October 03, 2005

Body Spoilt le la
I think i really drink till my body abit getting funny le la. Have been drinking all the while, then everytime the next day not feeling well de. Really if one day ar~ my body really cannot take it then how? haix die lo............hahhahaha but i think i won't die so easily la.

But i think after this friday big drinking session i think i will stop for a period of time to let my body rest abit la. If not how can go for the thingz i want, how to go for the people i love hahaha nono must let my body rest.

I will go to book my very first operation on the wed......don't know when is the faster day i can get to do. After that i think i wanna got for the other operation that maybe stay in hospital for a few days de. See who will really come and see me, see who really care for me........



10:16 PM*

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Damn shack ar~
Wah liew after a 3days chalet for downtown east ar~ nearly die ar. But at least it was still quite fun. But a bit say in the chalet. Coz quite a lot stuff have happen on the last night of the chalet. Haix Zhen Xian ar~ seriourly la, i don't how to help you anymore. Haix, he is so sensitive after all the stuff around you, and also how can we be always taking care of you? You going off soon le leh, no more in the army le, want look after him also cannot le la. Hope he can have a better life after going out of army bah

Then Jon, Haix i don't know what happen to he and his gf la. Quarral is not something that to break out a relationship or make the relationship gets down to a lower part. No, after the quarrel, you all should be more lovely after that. You all should be knowing each other more then use to be after that the quarrel. I can see they are a lovely couple, don't give up easily please.

They are much more better then me, can quarrel and know each other better then use to be. Look at me, didn't even have a chance to quarrel and know each other better. Or i should say totally have no chance to quarrel ar~ Always put yourself in the worst in life. Then you all can know how good life you all are compare to others. Even i have lose my love and alot more thing, But after that more people have lose more things then me or worst then me. Never say you cannot be sad but is that, don't thing you are the worst.

Most of the people was drunk after the drinking session for the last night. But i wasn't drunk, make me so angry, after that still have to take care of most of my friends. Why i'm not the one to get drunk? So can have people to take care of me also.

Mr. Tan, hope he can go out to find a better job out of the camp. Really wanna thanks him for take care of me in camp for so long. Really don't bear to see you leave us all just like this, but no choice la all of us have to leave each other one day de. Take care everyone. Think when going to end of Oct. I will be going to arrange all my operation after the end of oct. if not wrong i will be going for 3 operation la. 2 minor and i think one more have to stay in hospital for around a week bah. Come and visit me bah hahahhaha.



9:37 PM*

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Super bad mood
Today don't know why, i very bad mood. The whole day in office, i keep scolding my campmate. What is going on with me today? Why am i so moody? Lame la haix, i think today all my camp mate is very angry with me bah. Haix sorry guyz......really sorry, i think i really have so stress on myself. But nobody can know how i feel and also i don't know how to explain my feeling. Maybe coz of this i have also lost a gf. Sad case right?

I think i'm going very down leh. What cause me this? izzit her? Cannot be bah, i thought i should have forgot her? Haix say easy but do diffcult for a person. How can a relationship is build up how can we let it down so easily. Is like that de la, i got nothing to say la.

I have left my heart in the same place and hope that someone will pick it up once again. Hope someone will treasure it. But please no more refunding lo, i don't want to be so worthless. I really wish to have a person really treasure me. Haix......could it be the same person who is going to pick it up again? Hahahah cannot be xP lets see how my life goes bah.......



11:16 PM*

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Refund of me
Yesterday after work, when out to meet my sisters at Jurong Point for a chat. Then after that i wanted to collect my pants also. But the people cheated me, say yesterday go collet, but when i reach there, they ask me...."so fast come and take meh? yesterday buy only leh, where got so fast can take." When i didn't bought it on Monday, i bought it on Sunday de lo. Then i let them see the receipt that they gave me, they got nothing to say but just tell me "Sorry ar~ come and collect tomorrow can?"

Wah kaox say till like i very kan chong to collect my pants like that. Ask me go collect then tell me where got so fast. Lame la the people working there. But at least today she didn't cheat me la, she really collect my pants liaoz lo, if not i gonna kill them wanna make me go there so many time.

And here comes the story of that day. We were chatting at coffee bean in Jurong Point with my ling and my mei mei and her bf. We were talking about a friend call Fong Ying, Say her bad thing la as what girls normaly like to do la. Then after that hor~ we have a topic on we finding gf/bf. People say my Mei Mei hang herself high and sell that's why no people wanna buy and my Ling high themself low so got alot of bf. Then people say my Xiao Mei hang very low also no people wanna but only when free for people want.

Here comes the best part that i hear, they say "Haiya better then Dong la, hang low low also no people want, then free of charge finally got a people want liaoz, after afew month, people ask for refund but is give back to me + add money" Means that give to people liaoz people now reject still add money to give away to people. Haix starting hear liaoz find it funny. But after that i really have a feeling that what they have say. Coz is like i really go and love a person then end up people just throw me away. Find myself so worthless again......haix really got nothing to say.



10:47 PM*

Tricked By My Boss
Wah liew........today got tricked by my boss and my officer la. Haix yestday say wanna charge me go DB (means army jail) coz of last time that case of not closing S3 (one of the higher officer) door. Then yesterday they all bring this thing out again and say no choice but have to charge me. Then i also nothing to say coz i really in the wrong in the first place. So i just tell them also, "i have nothing left for me, is alright for me to go in. Nothing llet me can't bear to leave and go into DB." They thought i say say only coz i was acting strong.

But i told them i really not acting strong or what coz i am willing to get my punishment. Maybe when i have a lovely gf that time i die die also will fight for it but now hahaha i got nothing so is ok for me to go in la, lolx my boss they all always thought i act strong de. But today my boss suddenly came to me and ask me a question while i was working, "Hey danny ar~ heard that you have so problem leh, izzit with ya gf........? Why this feel day face black black?"

I also don't really know what to answer him.......so this time i really act strong abit by say "No la not at all man" haix but............haix. Then after working, boss asked my to wear on my beret and stand by to go in office and get my punishment. So i get ready with a friend which is going to accompany me in to listen to my charge de. Then my boss ask me go to his room first, and asked me once agian....."Danny ar~ you really don't mind going in DB ar~? Don't act strong leh......" hahhaha then i answered him, "i really don't mind and i really not acting strong" Then....he told me one thing......"Danny ar~ i'm just pulling your leg la" oh my god.......that make me a abit pissed off but hahaha abit happy. At least still got people wanna play joke on me

Hahahaha haix really not acting strong at all, as i always tell myself that i have nothing left worth me to stay, so no point la.....do what ever you people wanna do to me lo haix.....Somemore next friday have to go for a dinner in former wear. Lucky i just bought a set of former wear ar~ haix then after the dinner still have drinking session. Lame la.......i think i really wanna drink till i lay down on the floor that day la. Let me drunk once, drunk till forget everything.



10:28 PM*

Monday, September 26, 2005

Stupid police
Wah kaoz yesterday night very angry lo, drinking with friends till shoick shoick then the stupid poilce come and disturb. Check the KTV pub. End up the pub cannot drinking after 12 la. Haix then have to keep all the beer lo, the pub also lousy la. Kaox really hate the the NS the train till so hard don't even earn any respect.

Haix sianz la, hahahah don't know why yesterday when to sentosa suntan, tan till my body red red leh, then hor~ hahah the most funny part is my neck. You know why......lolx coz i tan till like zibra xP hahaha red, white and red lolx funny.

But at least not that bad la i really like my tanning =) looks slimmer xP keke^^darker also look nicer mah right? hahahah So lets see when will be my next tanning session bah =) lolx later my dad scold me again. Don't know why he seems like don't like me go tanning leh lolx. Don't care la hahhaha nice can liaoz la care so much for what. Keke^^ when i slim down then tan more, hahaha hope i will be more handsome xP hahahaha. Then find a gf also easier la wahahahaha......but jiu ai hai shi zui mei de la. Too bad mei de tong si wang wang tai zhao ku wei. How i wish that a flower will never die and also have a beautyful sight of it.



1:16 PM*

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Wow~ bad day in camp
Wah kaox today go camp thought it will be a normal day. No man, today half way one of the guard com. MIA in camp, make till all the crab all came back to camp. Lucky i ask my worker to go early lo, if not i think i will get into the case too lo, whew~~~!

Today my skin start to become more and more red le. Think going to sun burn le. Hmmm....wonder still can go to sentosa for tanning session anot leh. Haix don't care la just go la hor~ hahahaha darker looks nicer xP keke^^ But i two day never go work out le. but at least i slim down a bit bit wahahahaha.

xP is time to put down all the thingz leh. Let the time waste away all the black spot of mine. =) hahahah. Wah now then i know the Tanzanite is very exp in singapore de la. In Tiffiny and Co, also need to go to the safe to take a look de la hahahaha. At least in my life i have buy something good and special for my love one before xP



7:26 PM*

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Mariah Carey - I Sill Believe
You look in my eyes
And I get emotional inside
I know it's crazy
But you still can touch my heart
And after all this time
You'd think that I
Wouldn't feel the same
But time melts into nothing
And nothing's changed

I still believe
Someday you and me
Will find ourselves in love again
I have a dream
Someday you and me
Will find ourselves in love again

Each day of my life
I'm filled with all the joy I could find
You know that I
I'm not the desperate type
If theres one spark of hope
Left in my grasp
I'll be holding it with both hands
It's worth the risk of burning
To have a second chance

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO I need you baby
I still believe that we can be together
If we believe that true love never has to end
Then we must know that we will love again

I still believe
Someday you and me
Will find ourselves in love again
I had a dream
Someday you and me
Will find ourselves in love again



12:32 AM*

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Same old day
Wah kaoz today cough till got blood again la. Think i really dieing soon le la haix, like me this kind people don't die also waste air in the world. Haix think is because i go drinking too much liaoz. Hahaha finally in my drinking kaki i not the weakest de lo xP......got people worst then i do wahahhahaa.

I think i am going to drink my life away man. Hahahah drinking helps sleeping in peace, also helps to sleep without any thinking. Just waiting for the very next big drinking session on the 7 oct wahahahah must chiong the birthday girl die ar~ always bully me with steven. keke^^

Haix, think this is the 3rd week that we have break-up, haix really nothing must to ask for le la. Always is the God like to play with me de la. Just hope that it will come to a end with the suffer bah. =) There is nothing like a dream to create future............But i like to dream leh haix how =/ die lo hahahah haix nothing much for today la. Just hope not to be so sad la. Don't wish to forget her just wish to keep her in my heart.




9:00 PM*

Monday, September 19, 2005

Cold Morning =/
wow~ so long never have a rainning morning and whish is i don't have to work. Sleeping in the cold room wahahaha. I love the cold feel xP early in the morning wake up liaoz so boring man. Nothing to do at all lo. Sometime i hate to have off day. Coz after that i will stay at home do nothing and start thinking alot of thing

At least keep myself busy i have no time for all the thinking session. Haix izzit so hard to be a good person? Must people be bad then people like you de? haix simply don't understand at all. Now is i still cannot put down all the past or what i also don't know.

Maybe is i angry la, angry that i have let people throw my love into the deep sea. =) suan le hahaha as i say people have a good and perfect all-rounder bf and she don't know how to treasure then i also have no choice la hahhahaa. Time will cure................



10:16 AM*

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Drinking session.........
Yesterday night, when to drinking with all the drinking kaki. I find something very diffrent, is like something is missing. End up i know what is wrong. Hahaha last time drinking always need to report to gf. Hahaha coz last time always will just her a call to tell her i not drunk yet.

Never mind la, the past is the past. Now i have a new life to carry on. I don't lose anything, where else she will lose a all-rounder perfect bf that care and look after her xP keke^^ hahahah haix. People always don't how to treasure sure a good bf like me de >.< xD

Next coming drinking session will be on 7 oct, which is one of the drinking kaki brithday. Wahahah must make her drunk xP also best is to make myself drunk too wahahah leh people send me home. Coz i know that day i also cannot run away from the brithday girl coz i made her angry. She want make me drunk before she does.

Hahaha but no way lo, thinking i really so lousy meh keke^^ my li bo wei bu also not bad de ok =X hahaha haix........i will be better ~>.<~



9:08 PM*

Thursday, September 15, 2005

A day just pass like this
Here is a normal day going to end. Hmm....what should i say? hahaha haix since all my plan is gone, i think i will do nothing this weekend. Haix...how to say neh? just to say i very unlucky bah =) keke^^ never mind la, fall down also have to stand up. Take it as this time choose the wrong target bah.

Time will slowly cure the pain in my heart. This is not the first time, so i think it will be ok for me. Hope i can have a fresh start soon. Haix, don't why leh, is like kamar, last time i use to let down alot of people that really love me. Now is i let all my love one's let me down. I think this is really call kamar bah.

hope this kamar have ended, coz i also not really hurt alot of people in my life. So i think i have pay back all the things i have done wrong le. Is enough for me. I think i should try what people say, "Find a person that love you more then you love them will be much better." Think this will be through bah coz i always the person i loove always don't love me in the end.

I also don't know to hate or to love her, to forget or to miss her. Hahaha haix let the time to cure it bah. It will be fine after sometime i think. People always say i don't understand her but is that i once i understand it was too late haix. never mind bah, since over hope not to talk about it again. Later people find i very fan.......like make myself so no face hahaha but never mind la coz i ammit that i really love her till now still have the feeling in her. But i hope this will not last in me coz this is pointless. I will still wish she will get the real happiness that she wants even i may hate her abit, but really wish her well.



10:17 PM*

I respect what people want
I will also respect what people want. Since people will wanna ends it now so i will end it. Never think that it was this ending. Never mind, i also don't want to be such a tick skin people going after people when the people is not loving me anymore

really don't expect love in return. This is the life i have, no choice i will take it. Maybe a better one is there waiting for me, i have to find it. Maybe another 4 years, 8 years but no choice have to just wait. People say it was a nice memory for her, but haix seriously, you find it nice meh?

k la since everything have to end like this, you won't regret i won't regret then fine to go. just end the whole story. I wished to have the part II of the same story, but now i think i will go for the other new story. I don't wish to carry on loving or missing the people that treat me in such a cruel way. You are once special to me in life but now you are still the special one, but in diffrent way now.

Sorry for all the things. I think i have to carry on my stlye, so really no more friends le. Haix why must this end up in the stage? Why can't i just have a story with a nice ending? Hahaha maybe this is what God wants to see bah =) If you take something from me away and give me back something still fair. But always take away things only, in this way really not very fair to me.



12:08 PM*

Story of the ring
wanted to return her watch that she give me, but one of a friend just scolded me. She say that i can keep it for a memory. But i think it was a painful memory to keep it. End up i make up my mind it to keep it.

For the ring i hope she don't ill-treat it. I buy the ring is not just to make her happy or it is exp so i buy for her. Is that i really buy it from the bottom of my heart and i really find the ring very is special to me just like she is that special to me too. So i really hope that she will wear the ring wherever she goes. I really don't wish that my ring is just throw aside in a corner.

Same as i always say, i will only give the best for my special one's. If really don't want to wear then return back to me. But i really hope she will wear it. But if really have a chance, i hope she can tell me what to do. Least tell me there is a chance after she settle down her career or she don't love me anymore. At least i really know what to do. Not like throwing me nowhere in the middle of the sea. Is like we ended in the middle of nowhere

Want me to die also at least give me a reason so i know why i die. Really hope soon oneday she can tell me what to do. If is the problem of settling down her career i sure can wait for her, till my very last breath i also willing coz the love i give out is not like playing around with any gals.

If really say you don't love me, =( then no choice lo. But couple must give and take, one may need to give more take less, i don't mind be the one giving more and take less coz this is love. I only want to know what her heart is really thinking about for me. Tell me at least, personaly, coz as we always say, we are no more kidz. I have aready tell my heart and show my feeling out le. The rest let her decide to tell me or not, to give me the chance anot.



12:49 AM*

Friends:
Eve
Felicious
Fred
Jiaxin
Mei
Sabby
Sam
Tingting
lingg